Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.