He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up