I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole