I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means