Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.