But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.