I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's Friday. Sex?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude i'm inner monologue high
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"