someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
