There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
