he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet