I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.