AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.