Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"