we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time