the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.