extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?