She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad