Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (843)

Last Night in South Carolina (843)

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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.

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(843): God I feel like the rain man of hangovers. http://tfl.nu/3opn

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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself

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(843): I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself http://tfl.nu/cqdr

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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.

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(843): You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9ftp

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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.

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(843): I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest. http://tfl.nu/0b74

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I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.

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(843): I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are. http://tfl.nu/lq46

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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.

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(843): woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed. http://tfl.nu/bkzs

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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.

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(843): Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex. http://tfl.nu/rb17

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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.

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(843): It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying. http://tfl.nu/4qy7

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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones

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(843): I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones http://tfl.nu/t1ex

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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib

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(843): my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib http://tfl.nu/rp9w

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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex

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(843): i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex http://tfl.nu/fymj

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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time

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(843): you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time http://tfl.nu/xd6c

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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.

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Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?

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(843): New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard. (321): Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman? http://tfl.nu/4ln7

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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.

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(843): If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is. http://tfl.nu/wd98

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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?

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(843): Who's nuvaring is under my pillow? http://tfl.nu/bq0m

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Last Night in South Carolina (843)

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