Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (843)

Last Night in South Carolina (843)

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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?

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(843): They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER? http://tfl.nu/zyzi

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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.

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(843): Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck. http://tfl.nu/fj8t

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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?

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(843): Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo? http://tfl.nu/h14o

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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...

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(843): So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight... http://tfl.nu/ph6r

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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?

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(843): Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets? http://tfl.nu/2734

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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.

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(843): I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs. http://tfl.nu/k4hm

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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness

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(843): Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness http://tfl.nu/qoug

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I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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(843): I need to hump something and I know u understand. http://tfl.nu/eg48

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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you

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(843): Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you http://tfl.nu/1rr1

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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.

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(843): Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance. http://tfl.nu/j1w6

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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

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(843): When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"... http://tfl.nu/sfou

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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him

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(843): Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him http://tfl.nu/dncw

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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.

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(843): He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals. http://tfl.nu/0dw2

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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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(843): AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME. http://tfl.nu/mm0e

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May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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(843): May the one with the liver that just won't quit win http://tfl.nu/5sn2

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Last Night in South Carolina (843)

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