UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.