All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.