You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.