Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.