Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (815)

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  His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.

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  (815): His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper. http://tfl.nu/rdz6
  Replies (35) Good night (1707) Bad night (2567) Order T-Shirt
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  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

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  that's gum

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  (630): is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years? (815): that's gum http://tfl.nu/8le7
  Replies (42) Good night (2582) Bad night (2478)
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  Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye

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  (815): Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye http://tfl.nu/ds98
  Replies (12) Good night (978) Bad night (2475) Order T-Shirt
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  ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.

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  (815): ...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates. http://tfl.nu/314n
  Replies (9) Good night (803) Bad night (2462) Order T-Shirt
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  He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.

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  (815): He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests. http://tfl.nu/wip0
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  I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago

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  (815): I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago http://tfl.nu/274p
  Replies (11) Good night (306) Bad night (2368) Order T-Shirt
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  She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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  (815): She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode. http://tfl.nu/19jg
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (2342) Order T-Shirt
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  If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

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  (815): If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again http://tfl.nu/myb5
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt
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  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

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  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (8) Good night (740) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
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  This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.

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  (815): This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing. http://tfl.nu/2ksa
  Replies (15) Good night (333) Bad night (2281) Order T-Shirt
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  I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

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  (815): I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night http://tfl.nu/p9mu
  Replies (5) Good night (922) Bad night (2155) Order T-Shirt
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  I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen

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  (815): I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen http://tfl.nu/dsay
  Replies (27) Good night (2154) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
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  No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.

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  (815): No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real. http://tfl.nu/57ae
  Replies (5) Good night (576) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
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  We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.

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  (815): We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of. http://tfl.nu/md9p
  Replies (21) Good night (1177) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
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  I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.

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  (815): I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere. http://tfl.nu/v3m6
  Replies (11) Good night (545) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt