Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested