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He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
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