Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...