St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married