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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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