Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Holy shit dude........stairs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for