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Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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