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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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