Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my god I love twenty year old dicks