The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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