DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
