When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"