No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer