It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?