Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (530)

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  (530): View more from California

  I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.

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  (530): I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone. http://tfl.nu/lhn9
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  All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.

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  (530): All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls. http://tfl.nu/uabx
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  they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(

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  (530): they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :( http://tfl.nu/bt8b
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  .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.

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  (530): .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space. http://tfl.nu/f94k
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  Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.

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  (530): Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important. http://tfl.nu/xc0u
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  Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.

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  (530): Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking. http://tfl.nu/uxvx
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  Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me

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  (530): Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me http://tfl.nu/x3r5
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  My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed

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  (530): My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed http://tfl.nu/lqy8
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  Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it

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  (530): Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it http://tfl.nu/avbb
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  Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.

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  (530): Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life. http://tfl.nu/z2vn
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  He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.

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  (530): He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET. http://tfl.nu/u2s2
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  My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.

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  That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.

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  (530): My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo. (916): That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone. http://tfl.nu/d9c7
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  Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?

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  (530): Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river? http://tfl.nu/gd5u
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  red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.

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  (530): red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song. http://tfl.nu/0nv8
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  for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...

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  (530): for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates... http://tfl.nu/xo9l
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