He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?