Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.