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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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