Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (520)

Last Night in Arizona (520)

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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.

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(520): Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today. http://tfl.nu/im22

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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.

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(520): Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/speg

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Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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(520): Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first... http://tfl.nu/t3qp

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U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru

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(520): U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru http://tfl.nu/6qqt

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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".

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(520): He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home". http://tfl.nu/zprh

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Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

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(520): Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it. http://tfl.nu/2ax3

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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.

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(520): This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings. http://tfl.nu/9nj8

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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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(520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d

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Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.

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(520): Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks. http://tfl.nu/j1xw

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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

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(520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm

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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.

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Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free

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(520): I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high. (520): Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free http://tfl.nu/tueu

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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.

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(520): I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special. http://tfl.nu/erlc

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Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation

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(520): Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation http://tfl.nu/bc5i

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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

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(520): He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA? http://tfl.nu/u8oz

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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.

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(520): Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots. http://tfl.nu/9hrm

Replies (6) Good night (1909) Bad night (765)

Last Night in Arizona (520)

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