he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.