The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.