Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.