He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.