Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.