I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
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Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,