Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (407)

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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  (407): I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong. http://tfl.nu/42z4
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  Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.

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  (407): Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer. http://tfl.nu/hnl7
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  I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."

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  (407): I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr." http://tfl.nu/64va
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  Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober

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  (407): Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober http://tfl.nu/epi9
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  Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?

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  (407): Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening? http://tfl.nu/psmr
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  I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.

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  (407): I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit. http://tfl.nu/vrom
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  Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot

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  (407): Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot http://tfl.nu/9dyf
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  and technically it was a rebound

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  so lol

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  and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game

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  (770): and technically it was a rebound (407): so lol (770): and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game http://tfl.nu/lfzh
  Replies (15) Good night (473) Bad night (2208)
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  So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.

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  WHAT?!

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  He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.

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  (407): So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch. (352): WHAT?! (407): He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/9qqv
  Replies (6) Good night (489) Bad night (2197)
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  If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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  (407): If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life. http://tfl.nu/zp1p
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  so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all

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  (407): so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all http://tfl.nu/8geg
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  At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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  (407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr
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  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

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  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
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  A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke

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  (407): A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke http://tfl.nu/oufu
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  So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina

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  (407): So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina http://tfl.nu/bjxi
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