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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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