You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?