he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already