Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.