Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?