If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wanna bring you to show and tell
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're my little dorito