What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.