i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dating After Heartbreak
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on