You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall