All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls