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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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