Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She bit a glass in half.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.