We got so high we made milksteak
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.