Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
