He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry