I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..