my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.