His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister