She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.