I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.