I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.