So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here