he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you