Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.