What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same