Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.